Soak your black peas overnight
in cold water with a pinch of bicarb of soda.
The next day, rinse your black peas in clean water, then stick
them in a pan of cold water
(Do not add salt to the water it will make the peas hard)
together with a quarter teaspoon of bicarbonate of soda. Boil
them for 60 minutes until tender. If you want them mushy give
them a good stir. Shove some in a cup, drown them with malt
vinegar, then add salt and freshly ground black pepper to
taste and then eat them all up.
You may find that some of your friends refrain from visiting
you for a while, until the wind subsides - but hey - look
on the bright side - you'll have a chance to do all those
cleaning jobs you couldn't get round to before because you
couldn't find the time!